"A PART OF THE BIGGER PICTURE"
Dr. Donna Mann
Michael Schwartzentruber has cystic fibrosis. In his book "From Crisis to New Creation" he states, "I have found the occasional sudden re-recognition of the fact that I am disabled almost as unsettling as the first time it really embedded itself in my consciousness . . . It wasn't until I began to understand my turmoil and pain as a valid grief response, to a very real loss, that I understood my angry reaction to people's attempts to help me accept and see the positive value of my choices." To experience the death of a loved one is indeed a tragic loss. Other kinds of loss draw out similar emotional responses such as anger, guilt, depression, etc. Loss is not measured or labeled according to severity or viewpoint. Loss of any type, degree or description elicits an individual emotional response.
Some are surprised to observe this response in other people or to discover it in themselves. It is not always the most obvious loss that demands a painful inner response. For this reason 'other griefs' often go unattended by those who experience them.
Losing some aspect of self such as an election or contest, a dream or idea, a change of employment or retirement does not earn sick leave, compassionate leave or time out, but is no less a time of grieving loss.
Separation or divorce indicate loss of relationship and often creates a ripple effect perpetuating areas of 'other griefs' such as limiting visitation with grandchildren affecting special family times and day to day communication. Pets, lost and deceased, fit into the category of often missed grief. Abortion, stillbirth and miscarriage cause deep lingering grief.
'Other griefs' such as the loss or theft of a family ring, the house that has been lost either to financial closure or sold, the special mementos left behind when a senior moves to a smaller residence wait to be acknowledged.
The well documented loss of aging, perhaps too gradual for some to name as 'other grief', is the continual giving up of power, strength and bodily function. Those who have experienced amputation of bodily parts or surgery such as a mastectomy, hysterectomy or vasectomy understand the feelings of loss and grief all too well.
I attended a social function where I met a beautiful spirited woman who later told me it took her more than a year to become comfortable with the terms 'being "disabled", "handicapped", "physically challenged", "A rose by any other name..." she said. A year is a long time to work at coming to grips with a truth. So much of it would have been in silent struggle.
Grief is circular: it comes and it goes and then comes back again when you least expect it. Regardless of the loss, death or other losses, grief progresses and diminishes as the pain is faced and acknowledged. You go through it to get through it.
Those who experience loss of any kind continue the journey together with others. When one has had to give up someone or something valuable, we cannot tell them to be thankful for what they have. We acknowledge their pain and walk with them.
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